The frequent issue in marital disharmony often revolves around ego. When both husband and wife have equally large egos, it can lead to serious conflicts, preventing a harmonious family life. Ego, though abstract and unseen, becomes a major point of contention.
This writing is from the perspective of a wife or woman. So, what is the right approach when there is an ego clash? As a wife, it is natural to be led by the husband. No matter the husband’s abilities, the wife is part of the team, not the team leader. Is that unfair? No, darling, because both leaders and members have their own rights and responsibilities. There’s no guarantee that being a leader is more superior or enjoyable. Leaders have the heavy responsibility of providing for their members. Therefore, being a leader isn’t necessarily better.
From this perspective, the wife, being a team member or in a subordinate position, should not mind if her ego is lower than her husband’s. But what about self-respect? Self-respect is upheld when the husband fulfills all the wife’s needs. (This assumes the husband is also fulfilling his natural role. If the wife becomes the provider, then the roles need to be corrected, with the husband as the provider.)
When disagreements arise or the husband appears to lack understanding, the wife doesn’t need to correct him, as this could hurt his ego. Isn’t it dangerous to let the husband make mistakes without correction? Not really, dear. Just trust the husband to solve the issue, even if he’s less capable. As long as he’s fulfilling his natural role, let him lead without interruption or unsolicited advice. He will eventually realize his mistakes on his own.
It might be frustrating for the wife, knowing the correct solution, but her intelligence is still valuable—especially emotional intelligence—to avoid acting impulsively or emotionally. Isn’t it tiring for the wife to always give in? No, dear, this isn’t about giving in; it’s a win-win solution. Again, as long as the husband fulfills his role, he’s also making sacrifices, working hard day and night, and most of his income goes to the wife. See? The husband is constantly sacrificing.
So, Islam is fair. When everyone fulfills their natural roles (as intended by Allah’s creation), everything flows harmoniously. That’s the beauty of Islamic law. Masya Allah.
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